I was married first time around at the age of 22 and divorced by 28...thankfully with no children involved. After a brief spell living with my best friend when we first separated and then renting a house in Chester for almost 2 years with a guy (purely platonic), I finally bought my own little two-bed terrace in the October I turned 29. A perfect place for just me and my little dog Betty.
Since my marriage broke down I'd become involved with a guy I used to work with. Okay, we were basically 'f**k buddies'. There, I said it. It's out there now, ain't no denying it. So shoot me? I'm not proud, it's a part of my life I'd rather forget.
At the time he lived and worked in London but would come up to Chester at weekends occasionally or I'd go down there. I'd have the odd relationship with other guys and he'd become insanely jealous but he never wanted to commit to having a proper serious relationship with me.
If he knew I was with a guy he'd keep texting or ringing me and it became really awkward but still I'd let him do it. I'd be angry at him but he had a way with the words and a simple charm, a look and a kiss that would melt my heart and make me run to him. No bloke ever took my attention away from him and I hated that. I began to tire of his hold over me but I just couldn't break free - he was like a drug.
I don't know whether I was feeling lonely after New Year that year or what but I decided to join an online dating site. I think at the time I just wanted to see what would happen and have a little fun and I picked January to do it! I chatted to a lot of blokes on the messaging service and filtered out a lot of weirdos. I arranged to meet a guy for coffee in town one afternoon and, as much as we enjoyed eachothers company, we knew it wasn't going to turn into anything so after a brew and a natter we went out separate ways.
I'd done it. I'd actually met up with a guy on the Internet, I felt brave finally! I was off the starting blocks!
|A young Matt and a young Betty|
What had I got to lose? I typed out a message to him...
"So, were you just going to add me to favourites and not contact me then?"
I may as well not pussy foot about!
A couple of days later he messaged me back saying he'd been away and busy with work and that he did plan to contact me.
And so the messages continued. We just clicked so much I couldn't believe it. I couldn't wait to get home to check my emails to see if I had a message. We then decided to swap phone numbers. He called me and we spent 2.5 hours chatting away about anything and everything. I rang him the next night and again, we spent over 2 hours talking - the conversation just didn't stop. We had to meet. Problem was he lived 100 miles away in Derby.
He then contacted me to say he'd drive up that Saturday night (31st January) and we'd go out.
I was so nervous but also SO excited. We agreed to meet at a neutral place not far from my house and then we went into town. We went to Zizzi's for a bite to eat and then out for a few drinks around town (obviously he wasn't drinking though). The conversation just kept flowing and by my 3rd vodka I was willing him to kiss me - he didn't.
We drove back to my house and I invited him in. We sat on the sofa and talked until 2am. Then he put his drink down and said "Can I ask you something?"
"Sure" I said, wondering what it was going to be
"Can I kiss you?" he smiled.
"Yes" I breathed.
|The first time he met|
my family at a wedding
I wanted him to stay. He wanted to stay. But neither of us really pushed anything. He said he'd better get back as it would take him a while and with that, he drove home. I waited until he text me at 4am when he got back home safely and fell asleep the happiest I'd felt in a long time.
He then asked me if I wanted to visit him the next weekend. I was ecstatic and couldn't wait - I even booked the Friday afternoon off work.
I'd been so wrapped up in this little bubble of happiness that I was brought back down to earth with a bang when my FB contacted me on the Tuesday. He said he was up in Manchester on the Wednesday night and he wanted me to join him at the hotel. I said yes to get him off my back but I had absolutely no intention of going. That Wednesday he rang me to ask what time I'd be there and I told him that I wasn't coming. When he asked why I told him I'd met someone special. He wasn't happy. He tried to wear me down - even going so far as to picture message me with him looking all sad. It was quite pathetic.
Somehow I just knew that things with Matt were going to be different. I felt a strong connection with him and I didn't want anything to jeopardise that. If I had gone to Manchester that night, Matt would never have known but I would have known and it would have tainted my relationship with him even though I'd only met him the once. My FB tried desperately to wear me down over the next weeks that followed, even saying he'd start a serious relationship with me. Ha! I didn't crack at all - I thought too much of Matt already and I just knew he was 'the one'.
|Friday 18th May 2007|
It's our 4th wedding anniversary on 18th May and I can honestly say I love him more and more each day. I couldn't imagine him not being in my life. I adore him with every part of me... he's my friend, my lover, my soul mate, my companion, my rock - my heartbeat.
Corny, but true.
I still have all the messages we originally sent each other, all the letters, notes and important things from our relationship in a box upstairs - he kept everything too. Even now, when we are apart for even just one night he will leave me a note in my luggage if I'm away or a note on my pillow if he's away.
I love him completely.
I was going to post this for our wedding anniversary in a couple of weeks but the very lovely SuperAmazingMum and ManicMum have started a new 'Peeping Tom' meme and they bullied me into joining up!