Wednesday, 24 April 2013

In A Strange Place

I'm in a strange place at the moment.

I'm extremely busy, my head is all over the place. After a few rocky weeks, life is beginning to look good.

Really good.

So why don't I feel good?

I can't help but feel for others.

My heart aches for them. Literally aches.

I'm so busy but I'm finding it so hard to concentrate.

I have some friends that are going through seriously bad times at the moment. Times that you wouldn't wish on anyone. Times that no-one can really begin to understand unless you've been there yourself.

Really bad times.

One of my closest friends is facing a hard time. Her and her husband are the one of the nicest couples you could meet and her husband is great. Always willing to help anyone. A grafter.

A real grafter.

He's hands on with everything and, if you were going to describe him, he'd be the definition of 'diamond geezer'.

He's someone you want as your friend.

Anyway, they are on the verge of having everything they've worked so hard for taken away through no fault of their own.

It makes me feel mad.

It also makes me feel guilty.

I know I shouldn't feel guilty, but I do. Little pangs of guilt that everything is going so well for us while their world is being turned upside-down. It's just not fair.

I try to tell myself that everything is happening to us because we've worked hard for it. I like to think that Matt and I are good people. We are always there for our family and friends if they need us. We see our family and friends regularly. We both give monthly donations to charity and have done for years. I volunteer (although I am taking a small break at the moment but still doing bits from home) in my local Save The Children shop one day a week. We aren't religious but we lead honest and decent lives. In a nutshell...we do our bit.

But my friends work hard too.

They are good people too.

So why is this happening to them?

At the moment I can't make sense of the world. There doesn't seem to be any justice. News this year from a range of friends has just been awful. I look around at all the pain and sadness and I feel really angry.

And guilty.

There's that word again. Guilt.

Why am I feeling like this?

I should be happy.

But I'm not.

As I say, I'm in a strange place at the moment.


Sharon Donnelly said...

i think this happens to us all from time to time Heather, some people go through a bad patch and then they come out the other side. I think as mothers we just feel guilty about everything. I've never felt such guilt until I became a mum. I just lived life and everything was que sera. Now things do quite often make me feel guilty. However, try and ride the wave of everything being good hon, your friends wouldn't want you to feel down. Big hugs xxx

ghostwritermummy said...

Sending you lots of love and hugs. Guilt has a lot to answer for and always crops up when u have lots on your mind. Mother guilt is the worse kind too. Have you spoken to anyone aboit how you're feeling? I am ALWAYS here if you need a shoulder to cry on, you know that xxxxx

Jen Walshaw said...

Do not jump on me, but do you think you are a little depressed? I think that a sign of it is being guilty about things and worrying about others all the time. You are not responsible for other peoples happiness

SAHMlovingit said...

Haha, Jen - of course I wouldn't jump on you. I've suffered with depression once before in my first marriage. I battled it with prozac and leaving him! I don't think I'm depressed but maybe I am not feeling myself and maybe a little depressed. I suffer from time to time with anxiety and I think it could all be linked. I don't feel a sense of guilt as in I feel responsible for what my friends are going through, it's more feeling guilty that everything has turned and going well in our life if that makes any sense? Thank you for putting it out there x

SAHMlovingit said...

Aw thank you Sue. No doubt we will have a lot to talk about on the 2nd May but you have enough on your plate. I haven't spoken to anyone officially yet...I'm going to see how things go. I'm sure the holiday will help. Thank you for being such a good friend xxx

SAHMlovingit said...

Thanks, Sharon. I am glad that I'm not the only one who has experienced this. I know my friends will get through all the things that they are going through and all I can do is be there for them. Thank you xxx

Nich McGuire said...

Guilt... there is something I battle with daily. Guilt for being lucky, guilt for feeling ungrateful because I don't feel lucky. Guilt for everything. Take time to step back and assess. You are a good person and you have tremendous empathy for those around you & that makes you wants answers for what seems so unfair. Life is just so unfair. This couple are lucky to have someone like you fighting their corner. Speaking for them and stamping your foot for them. I've had some frankly crudiculous times and I'd have been proud and comforted to have you on my team xccc

Nich McGuire said...

Guilt... there is something I battle with daily. Guilt for being lucky,
guilt for feeling ungrateful because I don't feel lucky. Guilt for
everything. Take time to step back and assess. You are a good person
and you have tremendous empathy for those around you & that makes
you wants answers for what seems so unfair. Life is just so unfair.
This couple are lucky to have someone like you fighting their corner.
Speaking for them and stamping your foot for them. I've had some
frankly crudiculous times and I'd have been proud and comforted to have
you on my team xccc

Nich McGuire said...

so sorry that was me beloe too, no idea why my name keeps disappearing! it's nich_mcgenius from instagram x

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It's my life said...

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Looking for Blue Sky said...

It's because you care about others that you find it hard to be happy when those you love are going through difficult times - I've known that feeling too - but try to remember that your friends would want you to be happy if you can, as well as being there for them xx

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innocentcharmer said...

Hugs lovely, I can totally relate, it's cause you are an empath, you feel peoples pain deep inside, I am the same, by the most part I am usually dealing with other peoples pain and push mine away. We are in a very bad place at the moment in my families life, my life is going to change hugely and instead of focussing on how to get my husband and I through it I am more worried for others. It makes me sad that such a happy time in my life (arrival of sweet pea) is being tainted by such badness.
All I can say lovely is that be the friend I read in this post, I have not been able to talk to anyone about what is happening to us, but if I could I know that people supporting me would help massively to lift the pain, that is what you can do for your friends, even if they seem ok on the outside xxx

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SAHMlovingit said...

Thank you SO much for coming over here and commenting Nichola, it really means a lot. You're so right, life is just so unfair sometimes. My heart aches for quite a few of my friends right now xx

SAHMlovingit said...

Thank you for commenting, it's reassuring that I'm not going mad ;) I know my friends will come out of it the other side but I know one friend, in particular, who will never recover from what has happened. Thank you again xx

SAHMlovingit said...

Oh Kara, I'm so sorry to hear that things are so bad at the moment. I really hope that you and your gorgeous hubby get through it and deal with it. You are such a lovely person and I know how amazing baby sweet pea will be so I hope that whatever it is you're going through eases soon so you can focus on the gorgeous bundle of joy coming your way in a couple of months. Big hugs to you and thank you xx

It's my life said...

Yes, I think I know who you are meaning and I think I didn't express myself very well and my comment may have come across as a bit flippant - that wasn't my intention.... :-/

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